When I was six years old, we had a family friend who was very sick with an unidentified disease. This friend was eleven years old. I remember we used to run around in the yard and catch the lightening bugs in little jars in the summertime. Our friend and his younger siblings were on a dare, and they ate the bugs. One day, he was bleeding from his eyes. I remember his mom calling the doctor. The next thing I remember is hearing that he had died.

My mom was going to attend the funeral and not bring me because I was so young, and it was a Catholic family friend of ours so they would have an open casket. My mom was not sure how to explain death to me when I was six years old; but she told me this story: that I would ask her questions about what happened to our friend and his body. I asked her if his body blew up into little pieces. After that, my mom told me she had to bring me because whatever I would experience in real life would not be as bad as seeing a body that was blown to pieces.

I remember seeing his body in the casket and how everyone was sad. I don’t remember having any emotional feelings about it. It was more like a matter of fact. He was lying there, and it looked like he was sleeping, but I knew he was not there anymore. I went with his younger sister who was my age to see him, and then we left the room and went somewhere else to play.

When I was young, death was simple. It was a fact, and it was something that just happened. It wasn’t until I was older that I learned how complex death and dying could be. From the physical pain, emotional toll, medical bills, physical belongings, spiritual questioning… death and dying can be challenging to navigate and process- for anyone, especially people who are neurodivergent.

When I was studying at University of South Florida, I took a class called, “Death and Dying”. I was majoring in religious studies, but this class was actually a gerontology class. We learned about the death and dying process, different views on it and ethics in medicine. One of my favorite books we read was called, “The Basics of Bioethics 2nd edition” by: Robert Veatch. I also learned small losses like a job loss or a marriage loss, can be a “little death”. People can experience little deaths in similar ways to big deaths.

As a mother, I have thought about how I would explain death to my son and when I would really have to. I want to be able to guide him at an age-appropriate level, but I also don’t concur with using euphemisms. Many people will use euphemisms to lessen the harshness of the concept behind the word. People who use euphemisms believe that somehow saying that someone “passes away” lessens the fact that they died. Maybe it sounds better, but it doesn’t change the reality, in my opinion.

When my son was six years old, he was listening to a story about chiweenies. It was interesting to him especially since we have a chiweenie, Mimi. Mimi is one of our three dogs at fifteen years old. This story he was listening to talked all about chiweenies and how they can live up to fifteen years old. We also have Violett, who is fourteen years old and Zuma, who is two years old.