Today was a pretty good day for our family. We got some things done around the house this morning: laundry, dishes, making beds, cleaning the fish tanks, etc. We went out of the house for a little while to get haircuts and visit a few of our favorite stores. We came home to get a few more things done and take a break before our plan to go to the mall. There was a ‘Hanukkah on Ice’ celebration at the skating rink for the last night of Hanukkah.

As we finished doing a few things around the house, we had music playing and my son was dancing around, spinning and playing. All of the sudden he vomited and thought he was sick. He ran to get the thermometer, and his temperature ran 100.1 *F.

What Really Happened

My son is out of school for the next couple of weeks. Hanukkah celebrations have been happening all week. Christmas and New Years are coming. His birthday is on Christmas day. My birthday is the day after. Yesterday he met up with a friend at a playground and there was a holiday market celebration happening. Today we went to a few stores, and he made the choice to put something back on the shelf that he really wanted when I said, “not this time”. (He really struggles with denied or delayed access). He was spinning and dancing around- AND he is neurodivergent. (He processes the world differently). So- one could say that he became overwhelmed and had a moment.

We Changed Our Plans

We saw that my son was overwhelmed. I had him sit down so he could calm down a little. We re-took his temperature a little bit later and it was coming down. I explained to him that taking a temperature after jumping and dancing was not accurate. I also explained it is not accurate to take a temperature after being outside, just waking up, getting out of a bath or shower, or a lot of movement. So- our goal is to have a calm body outside of these contexts and then take a temperature for a more accurate reading. My son said he was hungry and my husband wanted to go to Chili’s. My son did not want Chili’s; he wanted to stay home and have a hot dog. So, we changed our plans. We did not go to the mall. We did stay home but ordered in Chili’s for me and my husband, and I made a hot dog for my son. We got into pajamas, lit our menorahs and watched Back to the Future Part 3.

Broken Expectations and Altered Approaches

Yes, we had to change our plans for the peace of our night. If we had gone to the mall anyways, we would have ended up with maladaptive behaviors in one way or another. My son was telling us what he needed, and we listened to him. We had our own version of the last night of Hanukkah, and it was just perfect.

Whatever holiday or event you are celebrating, sometimes you have to make a change for the peace when you are with someone who is neurodivergent. We didn’t lose our night; we experienced a different one- and that is ok.

Reach out if you need support over the holidays. I am here for you.